Deidara and the Teapot
by NovembyrRayne
Summary: A random showdown between Deidara and OC. Teapots are thrown. Threats are made. Itachi is charmingly vague.


_I wrote this several years ago during my Naruto phase...which was about four years ago now. _

_Wow. I've gotten old._

_But I digress._

_Characters, with the exceptions of Kai and Hoshi, all belong to Masahi Kishimoto. Enjoy. _

There was a crash, and a beautiful white teapot with blue lines circling over the entire surface burst into pieces.

"That was a perfectly good teapot!" Deidara complained, holding up his hands to ward off flying china shards.

Kaiya ignored him, reaching up for a teapot embodying spring. It just so happened that the one that had just shattered was her favorite, and she blamed Deidara for its loss.

"Ow!" he yelled as a large, sharp piece struck him in the arm. "Ow! Ow! Stop it! I'm sorry! Stop it!"

Kaiya hurled a fancy glass bowl at him-the last in its set-and then stomped toward the black door. She wrenched it open, still furious but out of ammunition, and came face to face with a red-haired boy, his expression sullen, and a guilty-looking red haired girl.

"Hi," Hoshiko said.

Kaiya stared at her best friend for a long moment, her shoulders heaving up and down. Then she made a strangled yell and stomped off in the general direction of her room, her hands in the air.

"Hi, un," Deidara said. "What's up?"

"What did you say this time, Deidara?" Sasori asked.

Hoshiko looked at the mess. This time it seemed that Kai had gotten very mad-half of the good china plates (stolen from the Uchiha family) were smashed in with the remnants of about four or five teapots. "I am not cleaning this up," she announced.

Rei appeared, like a ghost. She was the only other girl in the Akatsuki. "Don't look at me."

"I didn't say anything, yeah!" Deidara wailed.

"So Kai randomly goes on splurges this big?" Hoshi asked.

"She likes to throw pots at him," Rei said helpfully.

"Yeah, but how often does she throw five teapots _and_ Itachi's good plates?"

"What'd you say?" Sasori asked Deidara again.

Deidara pulled a small piece of china out of his wrist. "Well, nothing hit me that deep, un," he said brightly.

"Listen, punk," Hoshi said, grabbing Deidara's collar, "what did you say?"

"I said I liked her new necklace."

"Who said it has to make sense?" Rei asked, drinking milk straight from the carton. "The last time Kaiya got so mad, it was because Deidara told her that she should wear her hair down."

Sasori shrugged and turned toward the white door. "I'm going to the rec center."

"I'm going to watch TV in my room." Rei said.

"Have fun, Deidara," Hoshi said.

The two doors closed firmly behind them, and Deidara sat in the field of glass. "Why do I have to clean it all up, yeah?" he shouted. "I had to sit here and duck! Make Kai clean it all up! I could have gotten seriously injured-"

Kisame snorted. Deidara knew it was Kisame because he could feel the chakra that his sword was emanating. "If you're a good enough ninja, then I'm sure no harm could come upon you because a _girl_ threw _teapots_ at you."

"If you're not going to help me clean up, then shut up, un!"

Kisame laughed and Deidara listened to him walk away.

"Get in here," Pein snarled, tossing Kaiya into the room. Kai slid around, trying not to fall and cut herself on the glass. "You two, clean this mess up! And if I hear any more glass shattering, then you'd better get Hidan to bless you because you'll be lucky if the only punishment you receive is a dropped muffin!"

"He started it!" Kai yelled.

"I don't think it's safe to leave them in the same room together," Sasori said, his head popping out from behind the door.

"Thank you for volunteering, Sasori. Get in here and watch them." Pein stomped off.

"Great," Sasori said.

Kai kicked a piece of glass at Deidara, who caught it and smiled angelically. "Where do we start, yeah?"

"Arrgh!" Kai snarled, kicking more glass into the air. She found a broom, dusted the cobwebs off of it, and started to sweep, smacking the broom against the linoleum so hard it sounded like it was thundering outside.

"Keep it down in there!" Kisame yelled.

"Careful!" Sasori yelped as Kai nearly hit his leg.

"Whoops, sorry, Sasori," Kai said, deflating instantly. Busily, she finished sweeping the room, then tossed the china into a special bag. "Here, Deidara, lets see the damage."

Deidara, who was still on the floor, cringed as Kaiya roughly grabbed his arm and checked out his wounds. "It's not bad," he said. "Not very deep." Then he cringed again, as if those words would make Kai go on another stampede and make certain that the teapots would cause major bleeding.

"Then I won't heal it. Deal with the stings." She said, standing up. "Okay, Sasori, you're off babysitting duty. We're both still alive. Now I'm leaving!"

She stomped out of the room.

"So what did you really say?" Sasori asked, crossing his arms.

"I really do like that necklace, yeah," Deidara said.

"She wasn't _wearing _a necklace, Deidara."

"She was."

"I didn't see one."

"That's because it's in the garbage, yeah. She ripped it off of her neck and said that if I liked it, it was probably junk. It's a waste. I think it was made of real diamonds, un."

"Scavenge," Sasori suggested. "And buy her a new one. Maybe then she'll stop trying to wring your neck."

"Master Sasori, Master Sasori. You have so much to learn. Why would I do something that nice for her, yeah? She'd kill me!"

"Because then she would stop trying to kill you?"

Itachi appeared. "She won't stop," he said. "Not until…"

The rest of the Akatsuki members were used to Itachi saying random things and then not explaining them, so they didn't press charges. He pulled a plastic cup out of the drawer and poured the milk into it, then returned to the rec center while taking a huge sip. The two partners winced.

"Should we tell him, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"No," Sasori said. "I'd rather not be the one to tell him about the milk."


End file.
